“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”

It's the dark of the Moon tonight and the Austin sky is restless and broody with rockin' thunderstorms today. I worked at Lush Life today and had a lovely time and made some bank. Tomorrow I'm going to see the rough cut of the film I shot last October-- Invicta. Hope it's decent and that I look better than decent. Kinda nervous...

This week was terrible for workouts of any kind. No gym, no riding, no running. I did walk with my dear girl M one night but that's it. A sorry state of affairs indeed. So tomorrow I'm going to the Barn rain or shine. I miss my Shaggy dearly!

Didn't get to any meetings either which sucks and only 4 days sober this week but I'm keepin' on keepin' on. I had a long day yesterday which I "rewarded" myself for with a call to L and smoked myself silly last night. I'm not your average stoner, and I don't mean that in a good way. I basically love to smoke pot for 2 reasons: One: It makes me feel cocooned and insulated from the world so I can hide (I only really smoke sitting at my desk w/the laptop in the corner of the living room by the window. The immediate world is right outside the blinds and the rest of the world is right in front of me on the screen.) And two: I can chain smoke cigarettes and not taste them. This is the true reason I smoke weed, which is why my whole situation with it is frightenly pathetic. I've never been a heavy cigarette smoker, except when I drink or smoke. I don't really like the taste of my Winstons when I'm sober. I'll smoke one or two at night--always at my desk, it would never occur to me to take cigs with me outside my house--to wind down.

Addiction of any kind is a drag and a half. They all start out as fun for me--whether it's chocolate or heroin or watching Law & Order : SVU on Netflix. Then it becomes a crutch and then it becomes a prison. Point is, they all turn on you eventually. I've often wished I could be an exercise addict like some women I know. My Mom and I used to wish we could "catch" anorexia for a few months. But there's hell in every face addiction wears. Anyway, I'm struggling. I want to be willing to go to an MA meeting next week. And that's all I'll say about that.

My food was bad, bad yesterday. Those boys Ben and Jerry slay me every time! Had a few handfuls of trail mix too. Paid the price today feeling yucky and FAT. Never fails.

Onward through the fog....

Live from Texas--it's Thursday night....

And I'm off to bed soon.....loooong day tomorrow: training for the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the morning, then an audition for a shot film, then two massages at the salon, then one outcall in the evening and then finally I get to go home...

The audition is for a film w/three female characters--2 35ish year old women and one "young hipster". I'm 38 and sent them my current headshot shown here. They want me to read for the hipster role. Very interesting....

Progress, not perfection...

Today was better all around....didn't smoke or drink so yay for me. Made a shitload of $$ today at work and paid some bills. Cleaned the house, walked the dogs and had a girl date with my dear friend M who rocks the house!
And here's a random cool photo of my favorite kind of moon just for the helluvit!!

Yuck, yuck, yuck, and I'm not laughing

After a 3 hour nap yesterday, I awoke to M wanting to drink beer. Rather than taunt my liver anymore (cuz you know if it's in the house, I'm gonna drink it!) I suggested we get a wee recession friendly bag from L. Alas, we did. There was a photo shoot at Lush Life yesterday and K puts out quite a spread. Tiff's Treats legendary cookies, which I've never had--until yesterday when I scarfed down five of them. They are truly just that delishical! But the point is, when I slip with the food, it gets that much easier to slip w/weed, etc. Life can be so tiresome....

On a brighter note, I finally got to meet and massage A--a friend of another client who bought her a gift certificate. A is recently turned 90 and is still working part time out of her house as a beautician! She's the most fabulous chick of any age I've met in many moons. She came of age in the Great Depression and is sharp as a tack, remembering vividly how she stood in line with her father for sugar and flour. She swears by vitamins and herbs for her longevity and good health. It was such a thrill to meet her after our numerous phone conversations trying to schedule and reschedule her appointment. She calls me--and everyone, I expect--'honey' and 'sugar', which I just adore. A real darling of a lady. She hugged me twice and was so sweet. I'm going back next week to give her a chair massage. I hope we get to be friends. I'd love to hear more of her stories.

Sick as a dog.....

Our little red heeler dog has been sick since last night. She's been very lethargic and limping and possibly has a fever. We think she hurt herself playing with Dag in the park yesterday. It was raining and they were tearing around slipping and sliding on the wet grass. She and Dag play pretty rough and I suspect she sprained one of her back legs. She is still eating and drinking so that's good, but it's been a long day worrying and keeping an eye on her. Funny how life just stops when one has a sick baby....

As for me, had some beer this weekend and smoked a little bit last night but each week gets a little better. Made it to one meeting this week as well. Still on a big Doors kick and reading Densmore's Riders on the Storm at the moment. Off to bed now and then getting up early to deal with the vet and work a chair gig 10-3pm. Show me the money!!!