Food yesterday...

Forgot to log my food for yesterday: 1 banana, protein shake, big salad w/vinaigrette dressing, broccoli w/cashew tamari dressing, 1 banana, protein shake. That's it and I wasn't really hungry at all. (not having the munchies from smoking helps, duh!) This morning I'm 2 pounds down from where I was yesterday. Yay! Unfortunately I'm depressed and got plenty of free-floating anxiety swirling around as well.....it all sucks. Oh well. It will pass, eventually.
Today's food will be pretty much the same as yesterday. If I do anything wild and crazy like buying sweet potatoes, I'll let you know.

Day 1 The Dreaded Number

Well, here we are at the beginning...I weighed myself this morning. Yikes. Looking forward to seeing that number go down--30 pounds worth I hope!!! I was planning on posting the number here but I think I'll keep it to myself until it goes down a bit.
As for my mental state...M and I on not such great terms at the moment--bit of a tiff last night. It's the 1st of the month and I still have rent and horsey board to come up with. Goddess, bring the $$$$ today! I feel all kinds of resentments and depression and fear roiling around in my head this morning and I accept that detox--life!-- comes with some discomfort at times. Mostly it's the $$$. Taxes have kicked my ass once again this year and I'm lost in a wilderness of self-employed financial confusion. Now I'm shelling out $100 per week for 2 days at a salon and going to see how that works out. Lots of fear and resentment about that. Anyway.....I'm going to let it be OK today for me to be quiet and chill and just let the detox roll through me. Yuck.

Good night, and Good Luck

"Not that I was a diligent humorless no-fun ant, but I did have some very definite ideas on how I wanted my life to go and how I wanted to live it with fitness and honor, and the hippie way wasn't it."

--a quote from my new heroine PK Morrison mojohotel.blogspot.com

The New Deal

So tomorrow starts the latest in many detoxes for me--and M as well. I hope it will stick this time. I'm down to my last few bowls-ful of weed and got an iced tea at my side and a pizza in the oven, SO, I'm ready to go out in style.

This is the plan for the next 21 days:

First 5 days: no coffee, no dairy, no sugar, no artificial sweeteners, no meat, no nuts, no beans, no wheat or other grains. Eat only fruits, vegetables, fruit juice, olive oil, organic butter, whey protein shakes and sweet potatoes. Only filtered or bottled or mineral water to drink.

Day 6-21: Can add in beans, eggs, and a little chicken. Otherwise the food plan is the same.


Some other Rules I'm giving myself...starting May 3rd (gotta have a few days to feel like utter shite)

• I will go to at least 1 OA meeting and 1 MA meeting per week.
• I will work my ass off to keep my lease on my horse Shaggy and get to the Barn to ride and play with him at least twice a week.
• I will run for 30 mins twice a week either @ the gym or in the hood.
• I will do 45 mins of weights at least twice a week.
• I will log food and workouts on this blog daily.
• Sit at the little altar in my closet and pray and meditate a bit at least a few times a week.
• Anything else I think of later...as the Creatrix of this blog I can do whatever I want! hee-hee

So that's all for now....I will be checking in every day. Let's hope it's not boring!

Thursday. The last day.

So we copped last night and I've got a fat lil' stash sitting here that has to be gone by tonight. Ugh. Such a stupid, and yet such an all-consuming habit!! M actually just texted me that today's our last day of dirty livin'! Tomorrow I've got the Salon....going to aim for getting to the OA meeting at 10am. It's not at the little Hyde Park church any more. It's a bigger church a few blocks away and the room it's held in is climate controlled! Progress! So I'm checking it out tomorrow--provided I can drag my exhausted, smoked-out carcass from bed before 10am. Again I say, Ugh.

We're so F&%#ing weak

Both M and I are nearly out of weed so we made an eleventh hour text to our friendly neighborhood pot dealer, who will be happy to oblige us once he stumbles home from the bar. So in 30 minutes we are going to jet down Woodrow to the good old Fashionaire to pick up a bag--our last for many, many moons, I really hope.

T-Minus 2 days....

Although I think I'm going to run out of weed tonight. In any case, after much hemming and hawing, M and I are quitting on May 1st, Beltane and going to do another 21 day cleanse of all toxins. I also need to get my ass in shape. We went to the gym last night (smoked out beforehand as usual, but at least we went. Tonight we're going running in our hood. We both wake up feeling like shite every morning when we drag ourselves from bed and we're sick of it. The old proverbial addicts that are sick and tired of feeling..... more as things develop.